Hello, my old friend!
Today I took you out from the corner you have been standing in for way too long. I rolled you out. I let you welcome me back to you.
How come when I need you the most I tend to take a step back and just ignore you?
Even when I can feel you calling.
To just see you is a reminder yet I chose to close my eyes and say to myself not now.
My body longs to get back on the mat and my mind knows it will only do me good. So how come whenever it gets too much for me I tend to let go of you?
I guess the truth is I just can’t deal with doing the work I end up doing whenever I roll you out. Sometimes my physical pain is too much to cope with but I know I could just lay there, do my meditation or simply just sit in stillness and breath.
Easier said than done.
Many might not understand what kind of work I might refer too, rolling out that yoga mat. But it is about to truly connect with your body, mind, and breathing and that is sometimes a lot of work and can be scary. At least it can be for me.
But I know deep down that whenever I have done the work, rolled out that mat and truly surrendered to what is needed to come to the surface or just flow through my system, it feels better. I feel somehow lighter. Maybe not always at once, it can be a process too.
For me, it is not easy to go through that process.
At times I just roll out that mat to get my body moving, not truly connecting, just to keep trying to show up for myself. But that is doing it the easy way. Not allowing to connect. For me that just doesn’t feel right, it is as if you know me and you remind me of what I really should do. At times I just can’t. I kinda lock myself up in my own shell. Because there’s just so much one can take.
And when I finally come to a place within and can see more clearly, I breathe take a deep breath and bring you out. Letting you be there for me. Because you, my dear old friend, you have been with me through a lot.
Today I rolled you out again. Trying to really reconnect. Find my foundation, stand tall, and ground myself again. A few soft movements. I focused on my breathing. Not letting my ego take over. Because my mind wants to do a full-on yoga session. But my body is in too much pain right now and I have to allow myself to accept that good enough is truly good enough. Be happy with that I showed up for myself by just rolling you out. Allowing myself to reconnect, ground myself, and just breathe.
A few soft asanas and let my body guide me because pushing myself right now is not what is best for me. Accepting that is not always fun going through the process. Tomorrow is a new day.